Everything I had
by ApW
Summary: This is a story about my OC Kat and Reid, you're just going to have to read the story to find out what's it about    sorry! Feedback is always welcome!
1. Chapter 1

**Everything I had**

**Chapter one**

**Insight**

"I can't deny it anymore…" Reid stated looking at Morgan who seemed to smile in understanding, "I just don't understand…is this feeling ever going to go away?" sighing Morgan unconsciously glanced at Hotch and Rossi's offices. "Sometimes kid…and sometimes even after she's long gone it'll still be there." The fear on Reid's face as he mumbled an "oh god…" running his fingers through his hair would have made her smile sympathetically at him, but now she was gone a simple memory in the wind.

This is a story about Dr. Katherine Lopez or as the team knew her as 'Kat' she was a sweet sensitive girl whose biggest fault and quality was her love for her teammates, she had joined the BAU on Hotch's team not long after Dr. Spencer Reid and Garcia had. This is a story of love, romance, friendships as well as painful heartaches.

NOTE: There WILL be violence, harsh language, and sexual content randomly throughout this story. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! Now ^^ please go on and read below which the first chapter mostly consists of flash backs of Kat being with the team throughout the years, that way you get a feel for the character. Oh! Before I forget, I own NOTHING well nothing but the characters that aren't in the normal series and the creativity that inspired me to write this! ^o^

-0.00 First Day

_I had finally made it, I sighed standing in the bullpen of the BAU where I would become a member of the team. I knew I was probably smiling like an idiot as I looked around when someone started talking to me from my left, "Hi! You must be Katherine Lopez! It's nice to meet you; I'm Penelope Garcia at your serves!" an hyper sounding blonde woman introduced herself as she stuck out her hand for me to shake, forcing me to juggle my box of belongings and the case files I had piled on top._

"_Hey baby girl, who's your friend?" A male's voice had surprised me from behind causing me to stumble sideways which cause my case files to scatter across the floor since they had slid off the top of my box. I knew my face must have been as red as the tints in my hair if not redder as I bent down to collect the papers when I met a pair of light brown eyes framed by black rimmed glasses._

"_I'm Kat," I smiled up shyly at the two men that were now helping me gather my things. The African American male had smiled and apologized for startling me, while the other blushed and handed me the papers that were in his hands. "I'm Derek Morgan, and this is Dr. Spencer Reid." _

_-2.01 The Fisher King_

_I couldn't help it as I passed back and forth waiting for news, I knew I should have been focusing on the case like the others but I just couldn't as I waited in the waiting room of the hospital to hear any news that concerned Elle. _

_That bastard hadn't only pulled us all away from our deserved break but had also severely wounded the woman who had become like a sister to me. Passing back and forth I ran over all the details, he knew us possibly better then we knew each other…Reid with the key, JJ with a butterfly picture, Gideon with a baseball card…_

_Hotch was coming and going while Gideon waited in one of the blue chairs trying to figure out the unsub but was distracted by his guilt even I could tell that. "You think I did the right thing right?" his voice had dragged me out of my own thoughts as I looked over blankly at him._

"_What?" "With the press conference…it brought him out into the open he made a mistake, left a partial print. We wouldn't have had that." Silently I came over to sit beside him placing my hand lightly on his arm, "I did the right thing, I did my job. Elle will understand that." _

_I hadn't found my voice before he had lifted himself from his seat, "Gideon, she's a fighter…I-I believe she will pull through this. When she does awake she won't want to see you because of the press interview, she'll want to see you because the bastard that put her here was caught thanks to our team." _

"_Yeah…" he mumbled before exiting the waiting room. _

_-2.15-2.23 Let me help you _

_I had seen it all before all of the signs of a drug addiction, they were hard to break impossible in some cases without the help of loved ones. That's why I was standing here outside of his door, because whether or not he wanted my help I was here and I wasn't going to leave without a fight. _

"_Kat…w-what are you doing here?" An overly nervous sounding Spencer mumbled with his arms crossed. "Because you need me." I stated forcing my way into his neat apartment, it didn't take him long to block my way to the living room area pushing me up against the counter. _

"_You can't be here." He stated glancing back over his shoulder confirming my suspicions, "Spencer…" It killed me seeing him like this "Kat don't…please just leave." Frowning I crossed my arms and didn't hesitate "No, I won't leave you." _

_-3.12 3__rd__ Life_

_I heard the gun shot ring out loud and clear causing me to become filled with nervousness as Hotch gave the go ahead to enter the school building, it was almost instant that when we entered and made our way down the hall that Jack Vaughan fallowed by his daughter our missing persons victim Lindsey Vaughan, but there was no sign of Reid._

_I could hear my heart beat in my ears which caused a ringing sound as I entered the girl's bathroom where Reid stood looking petrified. "Reid?" I called out his name trying to gain his attention as I made my way around him when I seen the boy's body._

"_I-I tried to save him…" "Oh Reid," standing in front of him to block his view I reached up to tuck a piece of his hair behind his ear, "It's not your fault…there was nothing you could do." I stated reading his facial expressions. "I-I tried." He spoke again shaking ever so slightly causing me to frown and pull him in close for a hug as the MT's made their way around us to the body._

_It was that night that Spencer showed up at my apartment unannounced. "May-may I come in?" with the day's events still fresh in my mind I knew they were way worse for him as I nodded stepping away from the door for him to enter. _

_Glancing at the clock I went to sit on the couch and patted the seat next to me for him to sit down, "I-I didn't know what else to do…after today I…it's been hard, I think I might relapse." Bringing my one knee up to rest in under my chin as I looked at him, "I'm glad you came. That took a lot of courage," I tried to manage a smile but failed as his eyes shifted back and forth nervously._

"_Courage…I don't know about that." He stated with a heavy sigh, "Spence, when I was 15 I overdosed and almost died…it was the first and last time I ever touched drugs, so trust me you coming over here took courage."I hadn't realized it or expected it when he leaned in, I could tell he was nervous as his lips met mine engulfing me in a moment of shock and passion. _

_When he pulled back to study my reaction I was sure I was smiling like a goon. Yeah okay this was Spencer, I worked with him which meant this was completely against the rules…but at the moment I didn't care, I liked him._

"_I'm sorry," his voice pulled me from my daze as I gazed at him confused "maybe I should go." Standing up with him I smiled light heartedly "Spencer…I'm here, anytime okay? No matter what." I couldn't help the urge to smile at his confusion as I leaned in giving him a quick peck which turned into a long passionate kiss. _

_(Note I thought about writing more on the past, I have a list of like ten episodes that I wanted to rewrite sections of but decided that maybe it would be best to move forward and give you glances into the past every now and then whenever it's called for.) _


	2. Chapter 2

**Everything I had**

**Chapter two**

**Crime scene**

Morgan and Reid hadn't known it than that their conversation about Kat that morning may had been all too realistic for either of them to handle. There had been talk about her leaving the team, transferring to another branch somewhere else though not one had approached her about the rumor. Truth was there was much-much more about their teammate Kat then anyone of them knew.

JJ entered the small kitchen of the BAU where her teammates were grabbing morning coffee and having a discussion concerning Kat, JJ was glad to be back of course she missed Henry whenever she was away but she couldn't deny that she had missed her team as well.

"Have any of you actually talked to her yet?" she asked pouring herself some coffee, the four fell into silence as they shook their heads confirming what she had expected. "She's late…" Reid mentioned poking his head out the door to check the bullpen.

"Odd…" he mumbled as his brow furrowed "isn't everyone from time to time?" JJ's comment as she turned to look at the rest of the team leaning on the counter caught Reid's attention "well yes, but not her. She always calls if she's going to be late," as he mentioned a fact he knew to be true the phone on her desk started to ring.

"Well maybe that's her," JJ stated as she and Emily left the kitchen with their coffees "I really don't want her to go," Garcia spoke quietly as she and Morgan stood from the table which caused Morgan to put his arm around her shoulders to comfort her. "I know baby girl, I know, we don't want to lose her either."

Morgan's words were true and instantly made Reid look back over to the woman's desk that he had fallen for wishing he could talk to her, to only see JJ answering her phone.

"Guys! We have a case!" JJ's panicked voice had captured everyone's attention after she had hung up Kat's phone. "JJ what is it?" Hotch asked as he looked down at the bullpen from the staircase, "there's no time, we have to go now!" The panic had everyone checking to make sure they had their guns as they followed JJ to the underground parking lot.

"What's going on?" Reid asked from the backseat sitting behind JJ as Hotch started to drive following her instructions, "its Kat," she breathed trying to hold herself together. "All I know is he said we would find the body at her apartment, and if we didn't want there to be another victim than to keep this operation only team involved." She paused as she looked out the window biting her lip, "he said we have 3hours before he'll call back with more instructions."

Reid could feel the colour draining from his face as Hotch clutched the steering wheel as he focusing on the road and what JJ had just told them. There was no case file briefing to go over, because they were going to the original crime scene.

(NOTE: Sorry it's so short, I figured a little cliff hanger might just be the way to start things off ^^ yes I know you hate me :) anyway check back for the 3rd chapter which I'm going to work on now!)


	3. Chapter 3

**Everything I had**

**Chapter three**

**Watching**

Entering Kat's apartment was like a scene out of a horror movie, "we have to check everything, be thorough and try to not touch anything." Hotch didn't need to remind his team after they had arrived and been informed of the situation, he knew that and yet something wasn't sitting right with him. Maybe it was because of Elle when she had been shot in her own home, she had nearly died and now he and his team were entering a crime scene and a teammates home…a friend's apartment.

Walking in they entered the kitchen and living room, Emily had tried to flip the light switch to get a better view even though it was daylight hours but nothing happened. Morgan had seen the blood on the couch first pacifically on the middle cushion, as he pulled his eyes away and the team made their way down the only hallway which led them to an empty bathroom and Kat's bedroom.

Every one of them had hesitated in the door way seeing the splattered blood on the walls and furniture, along with the pool of blood that stained her bed where the body lied. The bastard who had done this left the windows curtains pulled aside to give them a view they would never forget.

Later at the morgue Hotch and Rossi had gone alone leaving the remaining team members at the office waiting to find out if it was Kat's body. "From dental records you provided us we were able to rule out the fact the girl in there is Katherine Lopez. However the body does belong to a Melissa Lopez, her DNA was in the system."

The corners words shocked Hotch as he and Rossi shared an unspoken conversation on their drive back to the office, they were glad that it wasn't Kat of course they were but it had been her sister which meant that he knew Kat well enough to know that her family meant everything to her by going after her family it would have made it easy for her to go willingly with him…it also meant that he wasn't afraid to kill her…

If he had wanted her dead that would have been her body, but it wasn't he wanted our attention and now he had it.

"Hotch," it was Morgan who had approached them first as they entered the bullpen while Reid and Emily stood frozen waiting to hear the news. "The victim we found in Katherine's apartment, it was her sister Melissa Lopez." The shock was short lived as they set to work not one of them thinking of the victim they had, but the one that they were missing.

All of them were going over the possibilities waiting for the phone call that should be coming any minute, "damnit…" Reid's anger and fear was seeping through as he slammed his hands on the round table, it was Morgan's had the rested on his shoulder as he glanced up at him "we have nothing…no leads, no prints, we have a dead body and Kat is out there someone where-" his words had been cut off by his cell phone ringing in his pocket.

"Hello?" Reid answered without looking at the caller idea, "Sp-Spencer…" "Kat?" shock had him running his fingers through his hair as he looked around gaining everyone's attention. "Kat, where are you? Are you ok?" "She's ok, for now." A man's voice responded "Spencer tell me," he purred into the phone teasing him "do you love her?" "w-what?" his response made the unsub sigh.

"Tick tock, I don't have time for games Spencer, and quite frankly neither does our friend here. The clock is ticking so again tell me, do you love her?" "Y-yes." He responded with uncertainty clear in his voice, "good…now I'm going to tell you that her death will be slow and painful if my instructions are not followed. There is a package waiting for you at the front desk down stairs, now I don't need to remind you that no one else outside of the team hears of this correct?" "Oh and Spencer," he continued without letting Spencer speak "You won't be able to trace this call, Garcia should have figured that out about now…in another 3hours I will call back, I suggest that you gain something to go off of…with that board looking so empty, Kat wont made it to our next phone call…Tick tock."

The sound of the click as the unsub hung up left Spencer paralyzed, of course everyone had heard the phone call that's what using the speaker was for… "He can see us." He stated looking around him to only stop at the windows which had the blinds pulled up letting in the sunlight.

(Note: Yes I know another really short chapter, seems it may be a trend of mine now…an annoying one for you I'm sure ^^ anyway next chapter will be in your pro possibly longer but can't make any promises.)


	4. Chapter 4

**Everything I had**

**Chapter four**

**Pray by vengeance **

It was cold, I realized as I kept my eyes closed trying to remember the events of the night before. Melissa…she had gone missing nearly 2weeks ago but yesterday she had called me after I returned from a case. I had agreed to meet her at my apartment but she never answered when I called out to her. At the time I had thought nothing of it, she probably skipped town again I had thought that was until I tried to turn my lights on.

I had to restrain the urge to move my hand to the back of my head where I knew I would feel a nasty bump and possibly blood residue. Was I alone? Opening my eyes ever so slightly I could tell I was in an isolated room with cold stone walls and a floor, I was most defiantly alone. As I tried to sit up pain surged through my body as I realized my arms and legs were chained to the wall behind me.

I'm not sure how much time had passed with me staring at the mostly blank four walls that surrounded me, when the door finally opened with a load creaking sound. "Ah I see you're awake." "Who are you? What do you want?" silently he walk toward me, "You're not really in the position to be asking questions now are you?" angrily I bit down on my lip to keep from lashing out at the unknown man.

I knew the statistics from not only being around Spencer enough but from working around these cases to know if I cooperated I'd have a better chance at survival, and that's what I needed to focus on at the moment. "That's better; now tell me do you recognize me?" Holding back the tears that threatened to fall I couldn't stop the nagging thoughts that said he had stocked me made me his pray and now I was caught in his trap.

"No?" he shouted grabbing for my hair "well let me assure you that when I'm finished assuming you live you won't forget my face, your team will see it every time they look or think of you…tick tock, you're team is running out of time…and so are you."

"I don't have to tell you to sit still now do I?" he mocked me as he strapped me down to a wooden chair, it was hard to concentrate on what he was doing and saying after he hooked me up to an iv a part of me knew I was being drugged but the other part was giving in to the sweet release.

"Melissa put up more of a fight," he mocked with amusement in his tone "it's surprising really a waitress who has no training in self defense was more of a challenge." Reaching his hand out to tuck a piece of her dark hair behind her ear he smiled, "but she didn't have the information that I needed. Now I know you do," his smile was one of compassion when he spoke "You didn't really know your father did you?"

"What?" she had managed a whispered out of confusion, of course she knew her father her's had raised her and her siblings he was still married to her mother…so what was this guy getting at? "It's too bad that his daughters have to pay for his crime." Something snapped in him as his anger exploded as he lifted the knife he had in his hand and brought it down hard into her thy.

A weak scream escaped her lips as she continued to sob as he passed back and forth leaving the knife keep within her thy, soon he left her alone withering in pain as the blood soaked her pants and lag dripping down the chair creating a small pool on the floor beneath her.

When he had entered the room hours later he didn't waste time as he untied Kat and threw her unconscious body over his shoulder and carried her out of the building to his awaiting black SUV that didn't have any back seats. There were metal bars lining the top of the vehicle where he tied her wrists to, this SUV had been altered in many ways to fit his needs it sat lower to the ground but had an higher top then the others that way a small body could be left suspended hanging from the rafters he had but in.

Luck for him Kat was a fairly small girl, and could hang there for him bleeding out from the gashes he had placed in the bottom of her feet. Though drugged and barely able to hold on to her consciousness she did grasp the few important things that he was telling her, "you're lucky I haven't decided if I'm going to kill you or not." He spoke after he stopped driving, where ever they were now he had reached her final destination.

She has wanted to spit at him and call him a coward and to tell him that there was nothing lucky about this, but instead her curiosity got the better of her. "You said I didn't know my father…that he committed a crime?" silently he watched her on edge before he decided to tell her. "Your father was a murderer a rapist, he is no better than the men he puts away!" tears brimmed her eyes; she could believe what the man was saying after all it wasn't a far leap from her childhood.

"Who?" she whispered, who had her father killed that caused this man to kill her sister and to torture her with the possibility of still killing her. "Nina Harris, my daughter…she-she was only 14years old." "I-I'm so sorry." When his eyes connected with her's he knew her deepest secret, what she had managed to hide from everyone else for years.

"You knew…" closing her eyes she could feel the strength leaving her body, she knew she would probably die here and that this man would be the last person she saw or talked to. "You were one of his firsts weren't you?" the compassion in his voice wasn't faked as he stood up and exited the back of the van I didn't have to strain myself to hear his end of the phone call.

"Garcia how long does it take you to trace a call?" he asked causing Kat's eyes to widen in shock, "you have approximately 5 to 10minutes to find her before she dies of blood loss. Goodbye Garcia." He closed the doors of the SUV throwing the phone in the back right into the pool of Kat's blood that had collected under her feet.

"Spread out!" she could hear Hotch's voice somewhere in the distance, but was unable to call out to him or anyone else for that matter as her head lulled to the side as she left consciousness once again.

(Note: hmm well I hope you enjoyed this one, it was at least double the length I was writing before ^^ but now we're left the question about how this will effect Kat later on I mean no one can just get up and walk away from something like that, more importantly is there any truth to what the unsub claims about her father? I'm sure we'll find out soon.)


	5. Chapter 5

**Everything I had**

**Chapter five**

**Doubt and blame**

Kat had nearly been out of the BAU for a whole month, in that time where she was supposed to heal and rest her mind wouldn't let her keeping her up at night with the haunting images that she experienced but more importantly with the accusation that her captor had made accusing her father of murdering his 14year old daughter and rapping her. It was his vengeance that brought him to Virginia, in his mind he had a score to settle…but why had he let her live? Was it just to torture her farther? Or was it to allow her to find the truth for herself… Either way it drove Kat, forever changing her in a way she couldn't explain.

"I was going to propose to her that night, at the restraint but I got cold feet…the ring was still in my pocket when her approached us, he said he was lost he had one of those sightseeing booklets. I was looking at it when he stabbed me," Mr. Foyet explained as he pressed a napkin up to his lips to wipe his mouth. "Mr. Foyet you don't need to go through this again," Rossi spoke as Hotch and I listened, he was right though there was no need for Foyet to feel obligated to relive his traumatic experience.

"I couldn't move, I just sat there bleeding as he killed Mandi. He stabbed her 67 times; do you know how long it takes to stab somebody 67 times?" I had turned the rest out only hearing that last statement over and over again in my head; it was on the drive back that I leaned forward to talk to Hotch and Rossi.

"Who counts how many times a person they love is being stabbed?" "He was paralyzed by fear," Rossi stated glancing back at me as I sat back. "Right…" I couldn't help but mumble in disbelief.

"He knows where Foyet lives." Rossi stated "and he wants us to know it." Hotch confirmed "We'll split up and cover each address, Reid you're with me Prentiss go with Rossi, Lopez with Morgan let's get a move on." Hotch ordered as we all set out.

"I'll take the back, you two go through the front." Morgan and I both nodded as we split up to scope out the house, "I'll check the kitchen you go upstairs," Morgan comment quietly as he made his way through the living room. Holding my flash light up just above my gun I made my way up the stairs, one bedroom and a bathroom but both were clear…that's when I heard the crash.

"Morgan!" I called as I ran down the stairs looking around frantically with my flash light when I walked into the living room to see the big glass window broken. Instinctively I grabbed my radio "Hotch, Hotch this is Kat we need back up Morgan's down." I stated but before I could hear the reply something hard collided with the back of my head.

"Mmm…" I moaned as I opened my eyes to see a figure hovering over me, when I crotched over me I noticed the shinny blade in his hand and stabbed me deep into my breast bone that's when I heard it the sirens. I watched knowing if he staid to finish me off he would be caught, he knew it to as he made his way running through the house.

It wasn't long until police cars were pulling up; by this time I had already managed to get up with my hand pressed to my left breast and go out to Morgan who was unconscious on the ground. "Morgan…Morgan wake up…" I knew my voice was shaky as I lifted my other hand to caress my grandmother's necklace that I wore to only find it gone.

Looking over at the bright lights of the sirens hurt my eyes and ears soon everything blurred together, Morgan waking up and getting medical care, them finding the cops body that had came here with us the team arriving all of it was happening fast.

"Kat, are you alright?" Spencer's concerned voice asked as I lied on the stretcher receiving my own medical care, "it's just a scratch." I lied glancing toward the house where Hotch and Emily had disappeared into, "you're lucky he didn't kill you." Rossi stated as I locked eyes with him, "why didn't he?" My question seemed to make both of the stiff and shocked at the coldness in my tone.

We were on the plane right home as I sat alone in the back w stitched up, when Rossi approached me. "May I sit?" he asked and sat before I could answer, "Katherine I'm here if you want to talk, you know that right?" the concern and sincerity in his voice didn't through me as he kept himself quiet. "I don't need to talk…" I stated looking away to a window that held no escape for me.

"Are you blaming yourself?" I knew he knew it when his question hit home as my eyes locked with his. "If I had been down there I could have caught him, Morgan was alone because of me." I stated as my eyebrows knitted together in anger, "he was alone because you had to check out the upstairs, Foyet could have been anywhere in that house it was chance that Morgan was attacked first." Silently I glanced over at the other who were mostly sitting together.

"That wasn't your fault." Looking back at him I let my head hang for a moment as I got the words out that had been killing me every day for the past month, "was Melissa?" it didn't take a guineas to see the shock and caring on Rossi's face as he leant forward to put his hand on my knee. "There was nothing you could have done; she was dead before you got home. Katherine," he paused to catch my eye "maybe you should talk to someone. This job gets to all of us, but when it becomes personal sometime we don't always know how to handle it…"

His words took possible the whole flight to actually sink in; it wasn't until we had arrived back at the BAU and got word that Foyet had escaped that I made my decision. Walking into Hotch's office was probably the hardest thing I had to do after most of the team had gone home, "Hotch?" "Hmm?" as he looked up at me I knew that somewhere somehow deep inside he knew.

"What do you want me to tell the others?" He asked quietly watching my every move as I placed my badge and gun on his desk, "tell them…I needed answers that I couldn't find them here. Tell them I'm sorry, but I feel as though I can no longer do this job to my fullest abilities." "I see," he stated as he stood and made his way around his desk and gave me the biggest shock of my life as he wrapped his arms around me in a tight embrace.

"We will all miss you agent Lopez," smiling as I tucked a piece of my long dark hair behind my hair I told him "Not nearly as much as I'm going to miss everyone, and how many times have I told you its Kat." That night I had collected my personal belongings from my desk and went home to the apartment that never felt safe no matter how many locks I put on the door to pack up the things I needed to take with me and bought a last minute plane ticket for the next morning.

I was going home.

(Note: unexpected right? I thought so since I didn't really see it ending this way . anyway where do we go from here? Kat said she needed answers and we see her heading home on a plane the next morning, does this scream family reunion to you to? I guess we're just going to have to wait to find out.)


	6. Chapter 6

**Everything I had**

**Chapter six**

**Just the beginning**

I couldn't help but to go over the case file again and again after I had Garcia to collect all information on a murder case where the victim was Nina Harris on my first week off. She looked just like Melissa and I had as children, long brown hair small pale girl with a few freckles…our dad was rapping us again and again through other children.

This time he wasn't getting away with it, he had cause Melissa her life in more than one way at one point in time he had cost all of his children their lives. Daniel with his drug problem as a teenager because of the sexual abuse, Timmy trying to commit suicide again and again, Melissa getting pregnant at 15 than having to give her baby up for adoption because he wouldn't let her abort the pregnancy…he had single handedly stolen all of our childhoods and now he was stealing innocent girls that he didn't even know and murdering them…

I knew where the key was outside of the house to let myself in with, I knew no one would be home yet as I walked through the house that hadn't looked like it hadn't changed in the slightest. I had found myself walking up stairs to the bedrooms stopping at each one, he had forced mom into leaving them the way they were when we left.

He had lied to her telling her that way we would always feel like we had a place to come back to, but that wasn't the case. It was simply so he could revisit the rooms where he committed his crimes. I had made my way to his bedroom where I knew he kept his spare gun, I hadn't really planned on using it but just encase I needed it I wanted to have it.

After I entered my old room, images of my childhood all came flooding back to me the good and the bad. Sighing I sat on my bed feeling defeated, what was I doing here? What did I really expect to accomplish…I couldn't take the law into my own hands I knew better than that…and yet I felt like I had to do something that if I didn't stop him no one would…but how?

I couldn't just go to the police department with this he worked with them, they'd never believe it. I couldn't call Hotch this wasn't an official case and even if it was that meant having to tell him and everyone else on the team about Nina Harris…and my childhood. I wasn't ready for that; I would never be ready for that.

It was a depressing day at the BAU office filled with paperwork, no one really understood why she had up and left without saying goodbye. "Boss," Garcia knocked on Hotch's door nervous as he glanced up from his own paper work "come in Garcia." "I uh, I don't know how to say this so I'm just going to come out and say it. After Kat got out of the hospital she asked me to get her a copy of Nina Harris's case file she asked me not to say anything…but I think it had something to do with why she left, and I thought you should know…I printed you off a copy." She stated as she placed the file on Hotch's desk then made a hasty retreat for the door.

Silently Hotch stared down at the case file, he knew her leaving had something to do with when she was abducted and tortured she hadn't been the same in the past month just like when Reid was having his drug issue Hotch wasn't able to help Reid…and now he wasn't able to help Kat either. He had thought that her leaving was because of the unsub still being unknown and escaping, for that reason he understood why she wanted to leave. That was why he had let her go.

The turning knot of guilt in his stomach had him opening the case file; Nina Harris was a 14year old girl rapped and murdered from the same home town as Katherine was from. Were the two cases related? Katherine wasn't rapped, but for some reason she had Garcia pull this file…there must have been a connection.

Elsewhere Reid couldn't help but to feel useless he hadn't been able to protect Kat, not when she was abducted and not at their last crime scene…he cared deeply for her, something he had only recently admitted to himself and the rest of the team in the past month everyone knew everyone but the one person that matter the most. The one who he needed to know he'd have to face may never know.

Morgan on the other hand was watching everyone else around him, maybe it was because of Kat's abrupt departure that he felt the need to hold the ones he loved closer than before out of fear of losing them. Watching Reid he knew the man must have been feeling worse than anyone else, Reid had never actually admitted to having romantic relations with Kat but then again he didn't have to it was obvious that the dynamics in their relationship had changed after he had been tortured.

JJ and Emily were both silent in the news of losing a teammate and a friend, neither of them could quiet grasp what Kat had gone through not only being tortured and nearly dying but she had lost her sister everyone seemed to forget that fact at times, that the first victim the one they had found in Kat's apartment was her sister Melissa's body. Thinking about it they felt guilty, not because it wasn't Kat but because of the overwhelming relief that they had all felt when finding out that it wasn't Kat, no one had actually been sympathetic for her loss but merely happy that they hadn't lost her.

Rossi on the other hand was a different story, he had seen through the smoke cloud that Kat had put up from the very moment she walked through the doors of the BAU when she returned to work. He could tell from her and Reid's lack of communication she had isolated him in the past month which probably caused him to feel guilt for not being able to protect her, of course that wasn't why she isolated him Rossi could tell that she did it because I knew that she wasn't going to stay it was just a matter of time until she left.

Rossi had thought that just maybe he could have gotten through to her on the plane back home; he didn't want to see her go. He could tell that she needed the team now more than ever, but she wasn't willing to reach out to all the hands that eagerly wanted to hold her…why? Hadn't they earned her trust over the years…of course they had but then what was no what had pulled her away from them?

(Note: Okay so this wasn't what I really had in mind but I've decided to give this to you now anyway not sure when the next chapter will be out I've sort of hit a temporary wall I have a vague idea about what is on the other side but I haven't quite figured out how to demolish this wall…so feedback would be awesome!)


	7. Chapter 7

**Everything I had**

**Chapter seven**

**Truth in lies**

"Mom?" my voice shacked over the call as I sat on my childhood bed, "Katherine…" my mother's voice was steady and distant like always as I ran my fingers through my hair. "Are you free?" silence answered me for a few seconds "what is this about Katherine?" finally my mother responded sounding aggravated "I want to talk…please could we meet for lunch?" I asked as my eyes darted to the nearest clock.

My mother's sigh was easily detectable over the phone call as she responded "Lake View restraint, 10minutes don't be late because I won't be waiting." As my mother hung up I hurried to collect my purse and headed to the restraint where my mother had a table by the side windows.

"Mom…thanks for meeting me here." I spoke uneasy as I sat down across from the woman who had never shown myself or any of my siblings any sign of affection. "Katherine cut to the chase, what was so much more important than your sisters funeral two days ago that you have the nerve to call me away to meet your for lunch today?"

Hurt pained me as I noted the contempt the woman in front of me was feeling. "I was on a case mom…I called." I stated fidgeting with the napkin, when a waitress approached to take their orders "just two coffees one black the other with lots of sugar and milk. We won't be eating here today." My mother spoke shocking me as she remembered how I liked my coffee.

"You think that job is more important than your family don't you? You're just like your father…you should quit now while you still can…" my mother's shifty gaze moved around the restraint as if she had said too much. "Actually I did quit…that's why I'm here." I stated after thanking the waitress for my coffee.

The shocked look was followed by a smile, "good after all it was probably your jobs fault that Melissa is dead." Knitting my eyebrows together I looked up at the woman across from me, "actually no mom it wasn't. The blame falls on your husband." "Excuse me?" I could hear the anger rising as I flinched away from her.

"The man who had tortured me told me it was an act of vengeance; he told me what dad did mom…" I could feel the tears brimming "I assure you I have no idea what you are talking about, and I will not sit here taking your acquisitions." "Mom wait!" maybe it was the panic on my voice or the obvious need for my mom that had her hesitating in her seat.

"You knew didn't you? All those years when he would sneak into our rooms at night…you knew and did nothing."

"What would you have had me do? He is with the police department! For god's sake Katherine I couldn't go to them, there was nothing I could do!" at that moment sitting across from me wasn't a distant cold woman but a broken one who felt like a failure. "He's rapping and murdering young girls…" my words echoed around me as her eyes widened "No…you're wrong…he would never kill anyone."

Shaking my head I looked at her "do you really believe that? He'd have no protection of silence he couldn't buy it…he'd have to make sure no one talked." "No…I-I can't believe that." My mother whispered as she rushed out of the restraint after throwing the money on the table.

Two weeks had passed by while Kat stayed with an old friend of her's unable to leave without some type of closure and unsure how to get it. "Alright I'm off!" Mitch called over his shoulder to Kat who was sitting on the couch watching the news, it was all over the headlines another abduction 13year old girl missing average height and build brown hair and eyes…just like the others.

It was causing a panic in Franklin, sighing Kat stood turning off the tv she knew that her father wouldn't call in the BAU even if she didn't work there anymore…if he did it would be asking to get caught. She couldn't just go and get the information from the police department on the cases that would arise to much suspicion.

Taking out her cell she leaned against the wall that separated the kitchen and living room, dialing the number to ask for help wasn't nearly as hard as hearing the peppy voice on the other end. "Penelope Garcia at your serves, may I ask whose calling?" Kat had changed cell phones to put an end to the mass of texts and calls she was getting and ignoring out of guilt.

"What I'm not worth a witting comment anymore?" Kat's voice almost broke at the silence that the clearly shocked Penelope was experiencing "Katherine…" the sadness was clear through the phone as she exhaled "Pen…I need your help."

"Anything my little cheeka," smiling Kat finally opened her eyes. "There's a case in Franklin," she started to explain when Pen cut her off, "the missing girl she's the fifth one in the past two months, Hotch is arguing with the head detective there because we haven't been called in." frowning I nodded "yeah that doesn't surprise me, Pen this is why I came back here…I think I know who is murdering these girls…but I need to know how many girls are we talking, can you do a search for any missing girls in the surrounding area that match the physical description of the others within the past 5years."

"Sure thing, why 5years though normally we do an all around 10, not that I'm complaining it just makes my job easier." Smiling sadly into the phone, "because I think I know the person responsible, and his trigger would have been 5years ago when his daughter left home."

"Urgh sick bastard." Pen whispered into the phone, "uh Kat hold on a sec...Wow umm there's a lot. Looks like you have a serial on your hands there."

"Okay hold on, there's a fax here can you send me the information."

"Sure thing hot stuff, just need the number." After telling her the number there was an awkward silence for a moment before she spoke up. "It hasn't been the same…everyone misses you." The hurt and guilt would have been clear to any profiler if she had called the others but her Pen wasn't a profiler she was the technical analyst.

"I miss them to, and you Pen…I…I wish I could come back." The truth in her statement shocked herself when she realized there was no other place she wanted to be more, but she had a job to do here one that no one else could understand. "But you can! You can always come home!" Penelope's alarmed voice was the last thing that Kat would have left of her team as she said goodbye and hung up waiting on the fax that was now coming through.


End file.
